"The Special Mother"

So, this is another note I received on the Parents of Special Needs group from FB I'm on. I think is a sweet way of looking at things, however, I do have to disagree with one thing. I do not ever see a child as less than perfect because of their "handicap" or "special needs." They may not be the "norm" of the world, but the wonderful little spirit inside of them is perfection we should all admire. Their innocence, or even just their strength to overcome the ways of the world that do not conform to their needs is very admirable. People with special needs have to over come obstacles, things we take for granted everyday.


Now, as far as this note goes, I think this is beautiful. As a mother of a special need's child, I have often felt inadequate, nervous, scared, stressed, overwhelmed, & have asked God many times why he felt that it was right for me to be Emily's momma. Not because I was upset to have her, but because I want to be, & have to be everything Emily needed, needs now & will ever need. I have felt many times he put a confidence in me that is very hard to live up to. Luckily, I find myself on my knees in prayer, asking for strength, guidance & help(sometimes patience, too!). Other times, I find myself in my husbands arms, asking him to hold me up for a while when I feel I cannot handle things, & need a break.


This is called "The Special Mother":


The Special Mother

by Erma Bombeck



Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air. 

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."




I don't mean to "toot my own horn" about being blessed with a special need's child, please know that. However, it is nice, to know that through the extra things we have to endure as parents of these children, that we can look at things this way. Nice to maybe see some of the confidence Heavenly Father has placed in us, & a reminder that we have to continue to love, care for & go to bat for our kids when they need us. Please take this in the sweet spirit it was intended to be. I have to say, the part about rising above the "ignorance, cruelty & prejudice" has come in quite handy : ) 


Okay, I bet people are tired of these posts now, I just had to share, these really touched me & were something I needed to read & remember. Hugs to all!

Welcome to Holland!

Okay, I could cry, I had a whole freaking blog post made, ready to post, clicked one thing, & it was ALL gone!!! SO, I am starting ALL over. So annoying, & I can't remember half of what I said. So angry!!!! It's supposed to save it, but it's just gone, even the undo crap in editing wouldn't work. Sometimes I seriously hate learning to blog. 


Okay, so, to get back on track(SO FRUSTRATING) I am a part of a group on Facebook for LDS Parents of Special Needs Children. Recently someone posted something that I thought was beautiful. Man I worded this so well in my previous post that got deleted, & now I am sure I will just butcher it :/ 


SO, I just have to put as a disclaimer before I post it, that this is in regards to any kind of special needs, I do not see blindness as something to be sad or angry about, or that there is anything wrong with being blind. This is simply from a parents perspective of finding out that their child has any kind of special needs. Anytime you find out your child has a special need of some kind, you do(or at least I did), go through a grieving process, I just felt this author put so perfectly, what is so hard to put into words on how that feels.


Emily is perfect just the way she is, I have told her that probably a million times already. Our children are beautiful & meant to be just the way they are. They may not fit into the "Worlds idea of what the "norm" should be" but they are exactly who & how they should be. We need to learn from them & be grateful for the example they can be to us.


This is the article(I have cried like 3 times already reading it, it just is so close to my heart):


Welcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.




I won't say this is how ALL parents of special need's children feel, but this is very much how I felt. I wasn't angry so much that she's blind(blind people are just like everyone else), it was more of an anger for the added difficulties she will probably(& already has) experienced in her life because of it. Please, everyone, remember, you are perfect the way you are, & when you see someone different, remember, not everyone has to be from Italy, Holland is beautiful. I am SO grateful for my beautiful, sweet little Holland my Heavenly Father in trusted to me. Emily is my angel, & I learn from her everyday. 


I wish my first post wouldn't have been lost, I had something else in it I wanted to say & can't remember now. I just thought this was too sweet to share. I've been asked before how you feel when you have a special need's child, & it can be so hard to explain. Please, take this to heart, she covers how I've felt very well, & while it is still painful, you have to enjoy, the very beautiful, wonderful, special things about your your Holland <3